Here I Am
Here I Am
© Kay Reynolds
Being a medium isn’t what I set out to do in my life. I’m a teacher. That’s what I do. I’m a mom. I’m a mimi. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. That’s me. Being a medium doesn’t exactly fit into my plan.
Yet, here I am.
If I go all the way back into my earliest memories of being a child, I can remember seeing the spirit world. I remember it clearly. What stands out is the incredible feeling of love I felt in the moments, those split second moments creating lasting impressions on me forever. That’s for sure.
I didn’t see them much but, I always knew they were there. Not one. Not two. Not even three. There was a sea of them for as far as I could see, as far as I could feel. I called them my angels. I don’t know why. Perhaps because of my Christian upbringing. But, clearly I saw a Native Indian on that lazy day in Japan as I sat on my bed playing with my Barbie dolls. He wasn’t an Angel. He was an Indian.
One thing I knew for sure was he loved me with all of his heart. I never doubted that. I never feared him. And, I knew, without even knowing how I knew, that he would always be there with me. Watching me. Protecting me. I just knew.
That’s the story of my life. I’ve always known things without knowing how I know. I feel stories hidden in objects. I hear truths hidden behind lies. I see things when there is nothing visible to the eye. How can this be?
I remember my mom taking us kids outside and showing us the different constellations in the sky at night. My siblings enjoyed finding the big dipper and I did too but, for me, I would find myself drifting into a knowingness of something far greater than the big dipper. I would get lost in the stars, the universe, or the moon. My mind would wander into this knowing there was more to our existence, more to the vast darkness we called the night sky.
I meandered through my childhood with this sense of wonderment of God, the universe and why we were here. These aren’t normal thoughts a child should have yet, there I was contemplating the mysteries of life and knowing, just knowing, that we humans hadn’t made it past the tip of the iceberg of what we call the unknown.
I’ve always felt that I’ve been on this quest of finding truths. I’m a truth seeker. I honor truth. I really do. I feel it is our duty as a human to seek the truth, question the ideas that have been presented, and delve deeper into the understanding. Why are we here? What is our purpose?
We go through life not always following our own truths. We walk aimlessly through life taking job after job, partner after partner, have our family and still find ourselves searching for something, but, what is it that we search? What is it that we search that hasn’t fulfilled our soul?
I believe with all of my being, that our truth, our answers to our search lies deep within our soul and there’s only one way to find that truth. One must take the journey into their own soul of self-discovery. One must quiet the mind, the outside forces that interfere with our thinking, all the chatter stoking fear into us and go within to find the answers you seek.
It’s all there. I promise you. You will find the answers. Your spirit knows all.
As a child, I found the moments of quiet were the times I felt closest to God. I found these were the times, when the feelings of knowing things without knowing how I knew, would begin to emerge. I would get answers to the questions that wandered through my mind. Somewhere along the way, as I became an adult, my quiet times became fewer and fewer.
I found during this time, I was just existing in life, living day by day with really no direction. Just living as we all do. I was happy but, that feeling of there’s more for you to do or learn was always in the back of my head.
The one thing I always had going for me was the inner knowing. Thank God, I had the wits about me to always follow my inner guidance. I followed my intuition even when people thought I was crazy. I didn’t care what they thought. This was my truth and I was going to follow it.
I remember when I knew I had to move from where I lived. I applied for a job with the government. A job, that was next to impossible to get. Over 8,000 applicants and only 200 people selected that year. Within a few weeks of submitting my application my boss received a phone call inquiring about me. Many more phone calls followed as they checked on my credentials. I got the job.
Imagine the shock of my friends when I said, I’m moving to the other side of the world. No one could believe I would just up and go all by myself. And just like that, my household goods were packed and I was on a plane heading for Germany.
It was my truth. My destiny. That’s what happens when you listen to the soul or your own spirit. The mountains stopping you melt away. The obstacles are no more. Everything flows because you are walking your truth. You are walking on the path of why you are here.
I didn’t know the full reason of why I was moving to Germany but, I knew it was going lead to something big. I just knew. I trusted in that knowing. Was I scared? Yes. Did I believe greatness was on the horizon? Definitely.
Three weeks before 9/11 I landed in Germany. There I stood at the Frankfurt airport, in a country I had never been in before, with a language I didn’t understand, and a heap of suitcases looking for a stranger who was picking me up to take me to a town an hour and half away. Once again, I found myself searching deep to understand why I was there. I was trusting all was exactly as it should be.
Six years later, life was good. Or, so I thought. I found myself not feeling well. I landed in Texas for the summer break and made an appointment to see my doctor. I told her I was having great difficulty breathing. We both thought maybe I was developing asthma. As I was leaving her office, she stopped me at the door and asked when I last had a lung X-ray. It had been years so she ordered one for me.
She called me back to her office to go over the results. I took one look at my x-ray and knew I was in trouble. She pointed to the cloud of haze covering my lungs. She said, “Do you see this?” I nodded yes. She said, “I don’t know what that is. I’ve never seen this before.”
She made an immediate appointment for me to see a specialist. Many more tests were done and then back to the specialist I went. He looked at me and lowered his head as if he was searching for words. There was a long silence. His first words to me were “You might live but, it doesn’t look good.”
I went numb. For 2 1/2 hours I sat in his office not really hearing another word beyond ‘you might live.’ I thought I had asthma not a death sentence!
I left his office with my daughter who was trying to get information from me. She knew something was up because people don’t spend 2 1/2 hours talking to a doctor. I played it off as no big deal. She dropped me off at a restaurant where I was meeting friends for dinner.
I met my friends and somehow made it through dinner in a numb shocked stupor. My friends new something was up so I shared a little with them.
The next day, I was driving down the road trying to wrap my brain around everything that had transpired. Carrie Underwood came on the radio. ‘Jesus Take the Wheel’ was high on the charts then. I listened to the words as Carrie sang and tears streamed down my face. I let go of the wheel and screamed Jesus take the wheel, I can’t do this on my own!
Right there, right then, I had a talk with God. I placed my health in God’s hands. I told him, if he was ready for me to return home, I was ready. If he had more work for me to do here, I would stay. Thats it. It was that simple. I placed it all in His hands as I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
From that moment on, I knew I was going to be okay. There was no need to tell my children what the doctor had said because, God had this. I saw many doctors after that, they all couldn’t believe I was alive. They all said, it’s not good. I looked like a walking dead person. There was very little oxygen flowing through my body and that was with full oxygen assistance. It was grim.
But as for me, I refused to listen to what they were saying. I kept telling them I would be okay. And then, I met another doctor who thought I had been misdiagnosed. She order a lung biopsy. She was right. I was misdiagnosed. She told me I was going to be okay. My life might be altered but, I would have life.
She set me on the path to get my lungs to working. Together we searched for a doctor in Europe but could not find one. My lung disease is very rare. Many doctors have to look it up when I tell them I have PAP or pulmonary alveolar proteinosis. So back to the USA I went to have a full lung lavage.
A lung lavage is when they put you on a ventilator and fill your lungs with a few liters of saline to clean them out. It was like a miracle. I went from being able to take 4-5 steps to being able to run up stairs within two weeks of having surgery.
I listened to my truth. I knew I would be okay but, there was still something I knew I had to do. I continued to search for a doctor in Europe. I found one in London. I applied for a work transfer. Work transfers are not easy to get. Many people apply several times before being accepted. Mine was accepted immediately.
That’s how it works. Follow the inner guidance, walk your truth, and all will go smoothly.
Within two weeks, I was packed up, out of my house and my new journey to England began. Funny thing, I knew I wasn’t going for work. I knew there was something far greater than my job waiting for me in England.
Once I was settled, the awareness of the spirit world was increasing by the day. Once again, I found myself knowing I could no longer ignore their presence. The desire to learn all I could about why this was happening to me was too strong to ignore.
And so my journey began. I read every book I could find but, it wasn’t enough. I knew there was more. I also knew some of those books were very misguiding. I continued to search and for the first time, I actually began to communicate with my dad and granddad.
I had always talked with them and had always gotten answers but, I dismissed the answers as my imagination. Now, I was listening. I was testing it to see if it was real. And then out of nowhere, a friends father showed up. We started talking to one another. My friend confirmed everything he was giving me. Then his ex-wife showed up. These were people I knew nothing about who were telling me things that my friend would later confirm.
What was happening here? Am I nuts? This opened up a whole new set of questions, a whole new set of ideas to ponder and for sure made my thirst to find the truths of this place in which we live only stronger.
I discovered in England, that this sort of thing was more open and accepted then back home in Texas where I learned to zip it up and not tell anyone. In my search to learn more, I discovered the Arthur Findlay College.
Stepping into the great hall at AFC I knew I had come home. I knew, I’d be spending a lot of time there and I knew, the wisdom held in the walls of this majestic place would whisper answers to some of the questions that had plagued me for years. Yes, the history here would help me find my place in this world. It would help me to understand this knowing without knowing how, this seeing truths hidden in lies spoken, or seeing things not being seen with the eyes. It would help me turn this mediumship thing upside down, sideways, backwards and forwards. I would find answers here, that was for sure.
I had already been sitting in silence for a good year with this Indian man I had met as a wee child. Now, it was time to explore even further. I began taking classes learning about how my energy works, how I am able to understand what those who are no longer living are conveying to me and how to bring it all together so I may help others to heal.
I knew, with every cell of my being I had finally found the reason why I was here on Earth. I knew this was my purpose. I also knew, this is why I ended up in England. It wasn’t about my job. It was about me coming to learn and understand this uniqueness that makes me me.
I was once told by a tutor at the college, I made a deal with God. Maybe I did. Maybe on that day with tears running down my face, when I cried out to Jesus to take the wheel, when I said to God, I will come home if you are ready for me or I will stay, maybe in a round about way I made a deal with God.
Maybe at that moment, I agreed to learn about being a medium. Maybe at that moment I agreed to no longer ignore my truths. Maybe at the moment I made the deal to help people heal through my mediumship, through my words, if He allowed me to stay a little longer.
I know this, I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. My passion for this work, fills me with joy. It brings an inner peace to me that I’ve never felt before. Finally, after many years on this Earth, I’m doing exactly what I know I’m supposed to be doing. Everything that has happened to me up until this moment, has led me to this place.
As I look back on my life, I can see how clearly my life plan was laid out before me. I can connect the dots now. It’s all there. I’m not normal. Or, am I? What I know is my normal is normal to me and your normal is normal to you. That’s how God made us. I’m good with that.
I love people, I love God, and I love being of service. It is my truth. So I shall walk that path. Twenty years ago, if you had told me I was a medium, I would have laughed and said no way, I’m not a medium.
Yet, here I am.
Kay Reynolds resides in North Carolina where she spends her days writing, speaking and working as a medium. She is available to come to your city to conduct workshops or speak.
All written material © 2019 Kay Reynolds